


Papa's box

by Nanerich



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Domestic Malec, Gen, M/M, Mortality
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-23
Updated: 2019-12-23
Packaged: 2021-02-26 05:21:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,876
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21918265
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nanerich/pseuds/Nanerich
Summary: Something's off with Max, and not just the normal teenager-my-parents-suck-stuff. It's more than that.And Rafael is done being kept at a distance from his brother.
Relationships: Magnus Bane & Alec Lightwood & Max Lightwood-Bane & Rafael Lightwood-Bane, Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood, Max Lightwood-Bane & Rafael Lightwood-Bane
Comments: 9
Kudos: 147





	Papa's box

“Magnus?”

He had barely closed their bedroom door, when Alec, already in bed, called out for him.

“What is it?”

“Can I ask you something?”

“Anything, you know that. And I really wish you would, you look quite anxious.” Magnus joined his husband on the bed and took Alec's hands in his. “What's worrying you?”

“Max is”, Alec sighed. “Have you noticed anything different about our boy?”

“Not really”, Magnus shook his head and thought back on the last few days, weeks, but nothing unusual came to mind. “But I'm worried now: Am I a bad father?”

“Please, you're the best father anybody could wish for”, Alec brushed his doubts away. “Maybe I'm overreacting, but it feels like he's keeping his distance. And I don't know what I did wrong to push him away.” Alec dropped his head and stared at their entangled hands.

“Or maybe our little warlock is just a typical teenager”, Magnus suggested with a shrug. It had been the same with Rafael a few years back; from a certain age on, your parents were just lame and so uncool. Or whatever the current slang was; Magnus didn't even bother with trying to catch up, especially since every now and then he still threw in slang from Victorian times.

“Maybe...” Alec looked back up, but didn't seemed to be convinced. “It's just... It felt different with Rafael. Instead of getting overemotional, bitchy or something like that, Max just closes himself off.”

That was indeed weird, their little blueberry wore his emotions on his sleeve. And to Magnus that hadn't stopped. So maybe there was some truth to Alexander's suspicions.

“Do you want to talk to him then?”

“I don't know... Maybe I am overreacting and it's really just some teenager-stuff and if that's the case I don't want to push him further away by being pushy and probing.”

Magnus squeezed his husband's hand and shot him the most encouraging smile he could muster up. “I trust you and your judgement. I'll keep my eyes on Max and I'm sure that if there's something bothering him, he'll come to us.”

“Ok”, Alec nodded and smiled back, “I have no reasons to doubt the smartest man I know.” He leaned over and brushed their lips together. “I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

“Hermano, we need to talk.” Rafa burst into Max' room, leaving the warlock no chance to argue. Besides, he knew better than to start bitching; Rafa already looked pissed off enough, no need to aggravate him further.

So, instead of groaning at his brother to leave him alone, he put the comic book down and looked up at Rafael, who had closed the door behind himself. “What's up?”

“That's a damn good question.” He stomped over to where Max was sprawled out on the bed, pushed the warlock's legs off it to make room for himself and sat down. “What's up with you?”

“I'm alright”, he shrugged, not exactly sure where Rafael was going with this.

“Right”, the older brother scoffed. “Of course you're alright, that's why you keep avoiding me and Dad. Is it a Shadowhunter thing?”

Shit. Of course Rafael was right, hitting the nail on the head, but that was not a conversation Max was comfortable with having right now. “I have no idea what you mean.”

“You're a horrible liar”, Rafa sighed and the anger on his face dropped and turned into a more saddened expression. “I just... If you tell me what I did wrong, I'll happily fix it. I don't want to lose you, man.”

“But I'm gonna lose you!”, Max just blurted out. Shit, not how he wanted this to go...

“What?” Now Rafael looked like he had no idea what was going on. “Why are you going to lose me?”

Damnit. Well, there was no need in trying to talk around it, but then again, there was also no way to make Rafael understand... “I'm immortal”, he just mumbled, his head hung low. “You're not. Dad is not. And... I'm not like Papa, I can't handle it. I can't just keep a little box with your stele or something...”

“What are you talking about? What box with my stele?”

Max couldn't explain, he had to show his brother. Papa and Dad were both at the Institute right now and there was no danger in looking through Papa's old stuff, so Max got up and motioned for Rafe to follow him.

“A while ago I was looking for a specific spell book. But instead I found this little box.” It wasn't really hidden in the shelf, but also not on full display, disappearing in the sheer amount of books, tokens, fangs and all that magical stuff so it wasn't surprising that neither of the brothers had ever seen it before.

“What's that?”, Rafe asked, as Max carefully got it out of the cupboard and put it on the living room table.

“I asked myself the same thing, so I looked inside. It's Papa's”, he explained and lifted the lid. “Memories of past friends, loved ones, all the people he outlived.”

Completely silent, Rafael walked over and inspected the box, somewhat curious and terrified at the same time. There was this old wartime photograph of Papa with some blonde guy, having his arms around him. There was an old watch, almost ancient and Max was afraid to touch it, out of fear it'd break. There was an amulet with a beautiful gem that, depending on how the light shone on it, shimmered green or almost as blue as Max' skin. There were letters and postcards, some of them hundreds of years old.

“Put it away”, Rafael demanded and quickly turned around and walked away.

Max complied and followed his brother into his room, where he already sat on the bed with an empty expression on his face.

“I'm sorry, I shouldn't have shown you”, Max apologized and sat next to his brother, putting his hand on the Shadowhunter's shoulder.

“No, it's alright, it's just...” He turned to Max with his brown eyes all sad. “I never thought about that, you know? I mean I know that you and Papa are immortal, but I never really got it...”

“I know what you mean”, Max nodded and scooted a little closer. “I never really gave it too much thought as well. Until I found that box and... I don't know if I can do that. Just keep some memories and then move on... I'm not strong like Papa.” Max didn't bother trying to fight the tears that were making their way down his cheek; he had cried enough about losing who he loved to know that any tries to blink the tears away were useless.

“Please”, Rafe shot back, trying to smile encouragingly, but tearing up as well. “You're as strong as Papa and Dad put together.”

Max was about to argue that, when he heard the apartment door opening. “Boys, we're home!”

“Please don't tell them that I've been snooping in Papa's stuff”, Max pleaded as he wiped the tears of his cheek.

“I won't”, Rafe promised and dried his own face.

And like that a silent promise went between them to keep what they just realized from their parents. It's not that they didn't trusted them, on the contrary. But how should they even start this conversation? There was nothing that Max could say, it was just a sucky feeling and all talking would not change the fact Max was immortal.

“Boys? Where are you?”, Dad called and after making sure that he was indeed tear-free, Max walked out into the living room with Rafa on his heels.

“Ah, there you are. We got pizza on our way home, hope you're hungry”, Papa smiled and put the cartons on the table.

“Starving”, Rafe forced himself to smile and sat himself between Max and Papa.

“Good, then dig in!”

“Everything at the Institute alright?”, Max asked, as Dad cut their dinner, trying his best to sound casual. Maybe talking about something completely different would distract him enough, at least until he was back in the privacy of his room.

“As alright as leaving Uncle Jace in charge can be”, Papa chuckled and Dad just rolled his eyes.

“My life would be a lot easier, if Jace just stuck to being the house husband, and let Clary be a fulltime Shadowhunter... Huh”, he chuckled. “I never thought I'd prefer working with Clary instead of Jace...”

Papa chuckled along. “Jace and Simon could start a Dad's club, let Izzy and Clary battle New York's demons. The ladies are fiercer than their husbands, definitely.”

As Dad and Papa continued reminiscing about a time when Dad hated Aunt Clary, Max just focused on his pizza. Which was hard to do, his stomach had dropped to some very uncomfortable places and Max felt like he would be sick.

Under the table, Rafael reached out and grabbed Max's hand, squeezing it reassuringly and he could just start crying again. Damnit, Rafa was so much better at putting on a brave face, he even managed to smile as he ate his pizza, instead of the young warlock.

“Max?” At Dad's call, he dared to look up, biting hard on his tongue to keep from breaking down. “Are you alright?” Dad looked worried about him, but Max decided to play it as cool as he could.

“Yeah”, he lied, forcing a smile, “I'm just a little off I guess...”

He leaned over the table and put his hand on Max's forehead. “You're not feverish, that's good.”

“I think I'll just need to get to bed a little earlier”, he shrugged, before Dad could examine him some more and prayed to whoever would listen that Dad would just accept it and leave him be. Otherwise Max would break down any moment.

“That's probably a good thing”, Papa nodded. “The pizza will still be good tomorrow. Do you want to lie down here on the couch on go to your bed?”

Damnit, why did they have to care so much instead of just letting Max leave? “I'll go to bed” he answered instead and slowly got up. “Just have dinner”, he shot over at Dad who motioned to get up with Max. “I'm ok, just tired.”

“Right.” Dad sat back down, looking somewhat awkward at Max. “Call if you need anything.”

“I will”, he forced a smile.

As soon as he had the bedroom door closed behind him, he let the tears run wild.

This was so unfair! Why did he have to deal with this? Max was fifteen for crying out loud, he should worry about curfews and avoiding being grounded, not the inevitability of life and death!

Wallowing in his self-pity, he lost all sense of time, until his door opened.

“Relax, it's me.” Rafa held his arms up defensively, as Max jumped up off the bed, ready to face whoever walked through the door. Seeing that it was just his brother, Max fell back down, and the Shadowhunter sat next to him and pulled the younger brother close.

“Sorry”, Max mumbled and pressed himself against Rafael's side. He was only three years older than him, but quite a bit bigger; Papa always joked about the Shadowhuntergene, with Dad being so much taller than him. Right now it was nothing but comforting though.

“Nothing to be sorry for”, Rafa assured him, gently rubbing up and down Max's back.

They sat in silence for a while, calming each other down. After seeing Papa's box, Rafa too was pretty shaken. He preferred to play the big and strong warrior though, so Max pretended not to notice the tears that made their way down Rafael's cheek.

And then a soft knock echoed through the room. “It's us”, Dad announced, “can we come in?”

Max looked up, seeing Rafa being just as afraid and worried about what their parents would think about their issues... They couldn't keep on pretending, though. Clearly the adults knew that something was up and maybe the sooner they'd get out with it, the sooner it'd be over. With a flick of his wrist, Max magicked the door to open and their dads walked in, sitting on each side of the boys.

“You wanna talk about it?”

Max wasn't sure. He wasn't even sure what to say, what his issue was and... It was just hopeless. So he scooted a little closer against Rafael, who answered instead. “We found Papa's box.”

“What box do you... Oh.” Papa went quiet again, when realization hit.

“I just don't want to one day have only your bow and arrow in a box, with Rafe's stele next to it”, Max eventually admitted, it was barely more than a mumble though.

“And is that all we're gonna be for you one day?”, Rafael asked, sounding like he was scared of the answer.

“What? No way”, Papa made clear. “You are my sons and I love you more than anyone or anything ever before. Even in three, four or eight hundred years, I can promise you that.”

Dad moved over and put an arm around Max. “And it's true the other way round as well. Even when I'm up there with Raziel, I'll still love you and that won't change.”

“Yeah, but it will change!” Max looked up at his Dad, who tried to look brave, but he was actually sad. “You'll leave us, Rafe'll leave us and I... I'm not like Papa. I can't deal with that.”

“Well”, Dad smiled, “you don't need to be like Papa, because you are so, so strong just the way you are; I know it. I can see it every time you train, every time you help the little warlocks with their spells, when you teach the young Shadowhunters about magic... To put it in terms of Uncle Simon, you have an absolute superpower and that is your big heart. And yes, having a big heart like this, it's gonna cause a lot of pain. But do you think it'd be more painful never loving your brother or missing him, but all that in the best of memories?”

“It's really unfair”, Max stated, after his Dad's speech had sunk in. “You don't even know what it's like, but can give a speech like that?” Max wasn't sure whether he was impressed or annoyed that Dad thought he knew what it felt like.

“Yeah”, he chuckled, “that's your Papa's fault. We've talked a lot about this, him and me, when many, many years ago, I too found the box and started to realize a thing or two.”

“Your Dad was so hurt, to be seemingly only one in a long line of loved ones”, Papa continued the story. “He was scared, like you are”, he squeezed Rafael's shoulder, “that one day I would just move on and confine him to a piece of memorabilia. All I can promise you, is that with all my power I'll fight to never let that happen. And Max'll help me with that, and I'll help him with that as well.”

Mhm. Did Max feel better right now? No, not really. He still dreaded the future like nobody's business and he could feel how Rafael next to him felt the same way.

“This won't get easy over night, not even in a decade or two. What Papa and I have learned though, is that we need to talk about those things. Especially the things that scare us. Our lives just are a little contrasting, being Shadowhunters or Warlocks makes a few differences”, Dad shrugged. “It doesn't matter what it's about, come and talk to us, ok? Because there is nothing, absolutely nothing in this or any other world that could make us not love you anymore.”

“Really nothing?”, Rafa asked, and just a bit of a grin broke through.

“Son”, Papa grinned back, “I believe there's nothing that can shock a parent more than what the two of us did to our parents.”

“That sounds like a challenge”, Max giggled and grinned up at his Dad, who smiled right back.

“It is an unwinnable challenge for you two”, he made clear. “I'll bet the entire Shadow World that me and your Papa will love you until the sun explodes.”

“Max! We need to go!”, Magnus called for the third time.

“I'M COMING!”, he yelled back and Magnus could hear the eye roll.

“We'll be late to little Alexander's rune ceremony”, Magnus reminded his son, as he finally made it out of the bathroom.

“I need to look good for my great-grand nephew, though”, he grinned and Magnus could only smile back.

“You do look very nice. Not sure who you dressed up for... I'm pretty sure Alexander doesn't mind, en contraire to a certain warlock lady...”, he added with a grin and a wink, before opening a portal.

“Oh my god, Papa! Don't be embarrassing!”, Max groaned, flushing nicely purpleish.

“Me? How preposterous! Wait, you got a little bit...” Magnus straightened Max's lapels and motioned to tuck a stray strand of dark blue hair behind the young warlock's ear, when he moved back.

“Can you cut it out? I'm 112, I can get dressed all by myself, thank you very much.”

“Your Dad used to say the same thing. And then he'd go out in washed-out jeans and an old ratty shirt...” As much as he loved him, Magnus could only shudder at the thought of his late husband's style, especially in the early years of their relationship.

“That's harsh”, Max shot back with his mouth gaping open. “You're really calling me a fashion disaster like Dad?”

“Thankfully you take after me, style-wise”, Magnus chuckled and pushed Max through the portal to the institute, where everybody already seemed to be assembled.

Max didn't even grace Magnus with much of a glance once he spotted Madzie and hurried over to the girl and the seat next to her that just happened to be empty still.

“It looks like you'll owe me twenty bucks soon”, Catarina chuckled and came up on Magnus' side, looking at the lovebirds.

“They're not together yet”, he shot back, “and it's only a few weeks left till Christmas. I can still win the bet.”

“Yeah, right. Come on, you're great-great-grandson's rune ceremony s about to start.” She nudged his arm and he followed her to an empty seat, as they watched Alexander walk down the aisle, all determined and a little scared for his big moment.

He didn't just inherit the name; the little Shadowhunter reminder Magnus so much of his Alexander, his determination, his drive...

Optically, he definitely got his great grand dad's looks though. Whenever Magnus got the chance to tousle those unruly curls, he always had wonderful flashbacks to Rafael scrunching up his face when Magnus stroked his head.

.

“Hey, Papa?” Magnus enjoyed a wonderful cocktail at the party, when Max walked up to him. “Are you alright?”

“Of course I am”, he smiled. “are you?”

“I think so...” Well, that looked like he was not alright at all.

Magnus put his arm around Max's shoulder and together they walked out on the balcony, where they could sit in private. “What's bothering you?”

“Nothing, it's just... There's a lot of talk about Alexander Lightwood today, obviously. But, it just... It hurts so much. And then he looks just like Rafa and... you know?”

“I do”, Magnus nodded and pulled his son in for a hug. “I miss them, too. Every day. But that's love, you know?”

“Well, love sucks.”

“No, it doesn't”, Magnus smiled. “Love hurts, yes. But in the final balance... Not even all the pain at missing your Dad and brother can dampen the joy I feel that I got to spend around seventy years with them. Nobody can take those years away from us. Nobody can ever take away that Alexander was my husband, that he was your Dad; nobody can ever ruin Rafael being our son and brother.” He gently stroked Max's back, who had his face pressed against Magnus' shoulder; he knew his son well enough to know that he fought with everything he had against the tears and was losing that fight. “Love hurts. And for centuries I locked myself off, just forbade myself from loving anybody. Those were the loneliest years of my life. Yes, I had Catarina, there was my friend Ragnor I told you stories about, but I thought being miserable now was not as bad as being heartbroken then. That was not true, at all.”

He cupped Max's face and locked eyes with his son. “Your Dad showed me what love is all about. And I am so happy for every second, because being with him gave me you and Rafael. And as much as it hurts, how can I be angry about having gotten to be a husband, a father? It was the best damn thing that could have happened to me.”

“And to us”, Max chuckled and wiped a tear from his cheek. “Without you, Rafe would have lived his whole life on the street and who knows where I would have ended up.”

“Maybe everything does happen for a reason”, Magnus smiled. He wasn't sure he believed that, but who knew... There could be a grain of truth in there.

“Maybe”, Max smiled. “Thanks, I feel so much better now.”

“Good.” Magnus leaned over and pressed a kiss against Max's forehead.

“Ok, then I'll let you get back to your cocktail”, he decided and got up, determination clear in his eyes.

“And where are you off to?”

“Well, there's something I need to do...” The way his cheeks flushed in deep purple, there was only one thing Max could be talking about.

“Uhm, no”, Magnus decided and motioned for Max to sit back down.

“What now?”

“You can't, not yet at least”, Magnus explained. “You need to wait until Christmas.”

“Why, so you can win your bet against Aunt Catarina?”, Max shot back with a raised eyebrow, a look he definitely had learned from his Dad.

“So you know about that, alright.” Now it was Magnus who blushed ever so slightly.

“Yes. Madzie and I know about that”, he deadpanned. “And we are not amused.”

“Sorry, son.”

“Yeah, well, you should be. Because somebody told me that no amount of pain and hardship can compare with the wonderfulness that is lo... Well, what might be there”, he corrected himself, blushing some more.

“Using my words against me... Not sure whether I should be proud or ground you”, Magnus grinned.

“I'm 112, you can't ground me anymore”, Max made clear, shot him a grin and strutted back into the building.

“Well, Alexander.” Magnus looked up at the sky, where he assumed his husband to be. “No need to worry about us. Max is doing just great. He's growing up to be a man just like his Dad and I know you couldn't be prouder. I'm really lucky to have him, he has been making my life worth living these last fifty years without you. Well, I should get back to our great-great-grandson's rune party. It's about damn time though; this institute has been living without an Alexander Lightwood for way too long.”


End file.
